Aquarius: January 21 to February 20
When The Moon Is In The Seventh House

I was born early in the first week of February, so astrologically, that makes me an Aquarius. [Queue the spooky sci-fi intro.] The scary part of the story I am about to tell is that I married another Aquarius. Yes indeed, Casper His Ghostness—my runaway ex husband—was also an Aqua.

Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson!

I’ll explain for those of you who may be unfamiliar with natal astrology.

Black Box Warning

The reason this raises eyebrows is because anyone who knows the least bit about birth signs has probably already heard the jokes about Aquarians being  … well … ‘out there’.

They say that Aquarius women have an affinity for attracting and being able to calm people who have ‘issues’ (okay, insane people).

Aquarius males are said to be easily bored, subject to mental freak outs, and that they’ve been known to suddenly disappear. 

So what do you suppose that says about Casper and me, and about our one time fated attraction to one another?

Two Aquarians in one household? The Odd Couple On Steroids, The Miniseries. Yikes! No wonder our breakup became an ordeal. 

High Voltage On a Good Day

See those two wavy lines in the glyph pictured above? They represent energy. The stuff that life’s made of. The juju—the juice.

But look again—this time more closely. See how those two lines of electricity are running parallel and in synchrony? That makes for an easy-breezy environment—when times are good.

In other words, when there is a virtual mind meld with each person intuitively picking up on the their unspoken vibes.

When this happens, yes, it’s nigh near Nirvana. Few words need to be spoken. When all that positive energy is happy to be traveling along in tandem, both of partners are said to be ‘on the same wavelength’. That is—until they suddenly aren’t.

Oh my. Imagine what can happen when one or both of those high voltage lines decides to go rogue.

When this happens, the two lovers minds diverge and they suddenly become Richochet Rabbits … Water dropped into oil … Farts in a skillet … (insert your own analogy). The point here is that raw electricity bounces all over the place.

OK, Here’s The Deal

Aquarians are mentalists—deep thinkers. That can be a good thing. However, it’s important to note that these loonies don’t arrive out-of-the-box with any compunction to open up about themselves—nor do they feel motivated to use those pesky things called words to communicate.

Nope. They have no desire to expose their inner sanctum to an ‘other’ purely for the sake of so-called intimacy.

They’re perfectly happy existing in their own comfort zones, walking around every day doing all that deep thinking—relying on everyone outside them to mystically-magically intuit what’s going on inside their crazy eccentric minds.

Soul Mates Of Star-Crossed Lovers?

Emotional intimacy (while very deeply desired by Aquarians) is viewed as a huge risk—tantamount to the possibility of death to their individuality. So what do they do? They play the aloof card with anyone who even appears to be getting too close to them.

Here’s the dichotomy … they jump in with total abandon when it comes to loving mankind as a whole. Huh?

In other words, they’re the first march in the streets or storm the castle to liberate the disenfranchised or mistreated groups. But where their close associates and family members are concerned, they go through their day singing with Sting: ‘Don’t stand … Don’t stand … Don’t stand so close to me.’  

To an Aquarius, it’s all about the collective ‘us’. Meanwhile … back at the ranch they’re icing the very individuals that love and care fore them the most. See what I mean? These crackpots are more than a little weird.

Hey, Keep it Down, Will Ya? Your Silence Deafening Me

So when two Aquarian live wires are no longer running in sync (and by the way, neither of them will tell the other that this has occurred), things can become a jumbled mess. What you end up with is two extremely intelligent/perceptive people having all these cerebral conversations—but only in their own heads. 

This is a very crucial concept that you MUST understand, or you will find yourself forever scratching your head wondering what’s up with these oddballs. There’s no other way to say it: dealing with Aquarians can be a dance macabre.

But He/She ‘Gets’ Me

Oh yes. You’ll have a definite mental connection. You may even feel (at least for a while) that this wing nut is your true soul mate. But the danger is that without LOTS of hard work at open communication, Aquarians will always think that the other person should already know what they’ve been thinking inside the deep recesses of their mind.

Never mind the fact that they never had the courtesy to verbalize any of it!

Let me put it another way: trying to form a permanent connection with an afflicted Aquarius is like playing whack-a-mole with invisible varmints. More than just some crazy form of carnival entertainment, life with them turns into a perpetual game of charades—with no gesturing allowed. (Clairvoyance and rules of the game sold separately. Batteries not included.)

A Word To The Wise Is Sufficient

The takeaway here, ladies and gentlemen is that if you’re thinking that you might (even remotely!) be inclined toward signing on the dotted line for a committed relationship with an Aqua … and you’re expecting that relationship to include a healthy component of intimacy (?) ….  all I can say is put the crack pipe down and back away from the table!

Break the glass … Pull the fire alarm … Exit the room ‘with the quickness’ … Do what you must—but flee! It’s a board game you have little chance of winning. 

Hand over the dice and go directly to jail. Put yourself in protective custody if you must, but do anything else until the crazy urge to couple with one of these charming weirdos subsides. You know the drill. Do not pass Go. Don’t collect your $200. Divest your holdings in the hotels you’ve built on Boardwalk and Park Place. 

Trust me when I say this. It’ll be a Mad Hatters’ Tea Party if you don’t.

Odds Are …

There’s a standing joke that with Aquarians, there’s a fine line between their brilliant genius and their eccentricity (okay: their insanity).

So unless you’ve been traveling with the circus since you were 12—and you’ve already perfected the art of tightrope walking in your daredevil act—my suggestion is that you run for your life.

Ladies, your odds of surviving an Aquarius man are like trying to find an honest black jack dealer in Vegas. I hate to break it to you ladies, but you’re up against someone who’s long been dealing from the bottom of the deck. 

Game Over

Turn your cards over and fold. Cash in your remaining chips and leave the casino. Like. Right. Now. If you don’t, you’re going to spend your relationship wobbling atop his/her high voltage lines, only to be suddenly and unexpectedly be jolted with rogue current and find yourself electrocuted.

What? You haven’t run yet? Okay, let me put it even more clearly. I’ll talk slower this time so you’ll be sure to get the point.

Sweetie, one day you’ll be walking along, thinking all is well and then—ZAP!—your kooky Aquarius short circuits and suddenly goes missing. You? Well, you’ll find yourself charred, flipped upside down, on the ground—still smoking.


I’m Not Talking Through My Hat

I know of what I speak of when it comes to Aquarius men; I was married to an Aqua for 29 years. He ghosted me unexpectedly on Valentine’s Day and I never heard from him again.

Not convinced yet? I have more empirical data on which I base my conclusion.

My biological father was also an Aquarius, born January 28. He was a real life serial abandoner, marrying, then abandoning seven (yes 7!) wives. He fathered twelve (yes 12!) children in these marriages before he finally died of sudden cardiac arrest at 65. Lord knows how more many children he had scattered here and there from his philandering. My friend calls him Johnny Appleseed. 

This is something my siblings and I try our best to omit from the family resume.

Paint It Black

You may be thinking that I’ve painted a pretty bleak picture here and that I’ve used some pretty broad brush strokes to do so. You might also be thinking that I may be exaggerating, so I’ll say this.

Obviously not every Aquarius male in the universe is like my Runaway Romeo, or my biological father. And yes, it’s quite possible that your Aqua may actually have a full deck. Even better, your Aquarius male may even deal from the top of it.

But then, a meteor could hit the earth tomorrow as well. Just sayin’.

Lighten Up & Relax!

The purpose of this post is to serve up some much needed humor in trying times by talking about something other than the coronvirus and pandemics. Notice that I poke fun at my ex husband and myself with this bit of Aquarius humor.

At the end of the day, I’m left to lament that my strange bedfellow wasn’t the textbook humanitarian concerned-for-the-underdog kind of Aquarius.

Nope, Lucky Lucy here drew the short straw. She took home an Aquarius who was more like a bucket full of crazy than like the tie-dyed headband-wearing hippie preaching peace and love.

And … to be fair … he did occasionally emit sparks of humanity. However, I suspect those sparks were mere theatrics designed to keep me hooked, off guard, and looking for the best in him.

I say that because when I wasn’t paying attention, he discharged all his wayward megawatts all at once. He then burned the barley fields on his way out. Severe. 

All’s Well That Ends Well

I’ll conclude by reiterating what I always like to end posts with. There’s always a silver lining in every tragedy. That is, if you put in the time and effort to look for one.

So, to give you a little more light as you search for the silver lining in your crazy Aquarius story, I am going to help you open the curtains and sing.

I’ll get everyone started by providing a relevant tune from the 60’s for the sing-along.  

Okay ‘errbody. ‘Let the sun shine in’.