And Insult To Potatoes Everywhere

It is a well known fact in the Low Carb & Keto communities that potatoes are anathema.

It’s often said that the deleterious effects of consuming potatoes can be far worse for those with insulin sensitivity than putting one’s face down in a bowl of granulated sugar.

Supposedly, it’s because the potato’s effects are longer lasting than sugar, therefore wreaking more metabolic havoc over a longer, more sustained period of time.

How I Know This

I ran across an article about this recently.

As I was reading it, my humor imp Erma started pointing out the similarities between the dangers of consuming contaminated potatoes and the dangers of living with/being around toxic people on a consistent basis.

Take the following for example:

  • Both potatoes and toxic people are very comfortable existing in dark subterranean environments. In other words, both of them are comfortable hanging out down in the muck and mire—wallowing in the slimy dirt along with other creepy crawly things like bugs, worms, and maggots.
  • Next, you can’t use potatoes or toxic people until after you’ve picked them up, dusted them off, and cleaned them up a bit.
  • Both potatoes and toxic people have a deceptive dangerously high glycemic index. Both of them deliver an immediate rush of carbohydrate. In the case of toxic people, they deliver an immediate [but fake] syrupy sweetness that can feign love and devotion to the untrained eye. This syrupy sweet high they put forth is soon followed by a precipitous and nasty crash.
  • Both toxic people and toxic potatoes—if consumed in excess–can tear down your defense mechanisms and natural immunity.
  • And finally, consumption of either of them over a long term a basis can leave you exhausted and in adrenal collapse. Often medication may be needed to get your  system [or emotions] back into balance.
A Lurking Danger

Another surprising fact that I learned from this article was that there are more human fatalities from consuming contaminated potatoes than any other food or food group.

I’ll let you draw your own corollary about toxic people and the emotional fatalities that occur in relationships with them.

Furthermore, potatoes contain a toxin substance called glycoalkaloids. Although this chemical is toxic to humans, it works well for the toxic potatoes. It protects them from their own nasty environment down there in the dirt.

This deadly outer coating [the outside skin of the potato, or the fake mask/outward persona of a toxic narcissistic individual] when ingested or encountered by those of us not accustomed to living underground, can create some nasty holes in the gut.

Is it any reason why overdose and long term exposure to that crazy boss of yours, those backstabbing coworkers, your narcissistic spouse, or any of a number of other wing-nuts you may come in contact on a daily basis, can leave you feeling like you have a gaping hole in the gut?

Potatoes also contain another irritating substance called lechtins. Lechtins have the ability to irritate and compromise the entire immune system, resulting in a state of hypersentivity.

I found that to be interesting typology of living with a toxic individual: coping by walking on egg shells and being in a persistent state of hypersensitivity/hyper-vigilance. As we know, hyper-vigilant states often continue long after the exposure to the toxic offenders have ended.

I could go on, but suffice it to say that I believe there is an undeniable connection between bad potatoes and bad people in my humorous monkey mind.

My Advice To Potato Lovers Everywhere

The takeaway here is that if you too have come in contact with the dreaded Potato Bug, know this: you’re in good company. If you’re one of the luckier ones and you haven’t experienced it yet, be wise. Arm yourself with knowledge.

When you first start smelling that stinky potato smell in your pantry, or you notice tentacles starting to grow, know this … once toxic potatoes [or toxic people] start sprouting ‘eyes’, their toxicity increases exponentially.

They’re most likely getting long in the tooth or they imply intuitively sense that the gig’s about to be up. It’s nothing personal, sweetie.

You just need to know that all nasty nightshades are uncomfortable existing above the ground for very long—whether they are stem tubers or whether they are toxic people.

They must desperately start looking for other night creatures like themselves to bolster them—lest they shrivel up and die.

Power Of Attraction

So, should you discover that your resident ‘Spud’ has found a similar and suitable dirt dweller/night creature like himself/herself wriggling around under the dirt, do yourself a favor—help ’em along.

Offer to help them pack … Call the moving company for them … Hey, why not be a doll and go the extra mile? … Show your love and concern by scheduling an Uber for the ride to the airport for them.

And don’t feel the least bit bad about it, darlin’.

The Wild Ride Back To Homeostasis

One last thing. Know that any strange ‘reactions’ you might have … such as blubbering, crying … and acting like a fool at first … are simply artifacts of the rollercoaster highs and lows of your endocrine system trying to self-regulate. Give yourself and your system a break. You’ve been exposed to his/her toxic substances over a long period of time.

Then Kick Back And Relax!

The good news is that after a period of No Contact, your stress levels will reduce and you’ll soon be back to normal.

I assure you that as a human born to live above the ground, that once you’re finally free of your toxic tuber, you’ll stop having that gnawing pain in your gut. And best of all, you’ll be able to live free of that annoying crunching sound from walking on all those eggshells all that time!

So how would you like your potatoes?… Boiled? … Fried? … Au Grautin?

Me? I prefer mashing them.